It is Friday

It is Friday, what’s new in Collingwood today,

the email news feed is as consistent as I  

scanning    for good news,  any

photos of double rainbows in rain filled skies, of

sun rising or setting over the bay, numbers of

cases falling, deaths lessening

yet there are deaths, there is loss, someone

is grieving and I am swimming in the bay,

celebrating first little arms wrapped around

my neck in months,  and my body has taken on new

hope, even when I speak to the daughter so far

away in the United States,  I know we will be

together again before forever passes, and in the

meantime I will zoom, I will delight in face painting

across miles and I will hold tight confident

in the wellness of friends, of  family,  and the

wonder of time and space, found for gardening

and swimming and reading and hiking and being

wondering how I will hold it all as we open

to old possibilities made new,  to the options , the

wonder of a cleaner, friendlier world,

open in new ways to difference, to rejection of

ism’s that support some at the cost of others, knowing

I am a benefactor and giving up privilege is

a challenge felt even in these days of knowing

that my family is safe and well, and others are sick 

dying some because they do not have

a home with a yard, with a bay to swim in or a

trail to walk  or bike on, or the privilege that comes

with retirement and safety from

a front line job that puts me at risk

one of my children is doing front line work,

so far she has not tested positive for the virus

of Covid,  her family is not free from the

deadly virus of racism         the

unfairness        requires action 

sometimes,I am up to the task and other times

inadequacy surrounds me and despair wins out

over the belief in the possibility of  ever

experiencing the change that this world

requires      but today I know that the virus will

not last forever, there is a           brave new generation

rising up and filling this grandmother

with faith and confidence                they stand

knowing they make a difference.

 gloria fern June 2020

String

mosquitos swarm over the rock crevices and pine

and maple woods,  we walk, I swat away

tears of despair  as I run through possibilities

again,    how do I live this life of privileged

anguish,   I stumble on the roots catching

myself in the midst of a fall, in the midst of another

bite into maybe,  what is this life of no touch,

of no hugs outside the household,  I swing my

walking sticks in the air, dissipating  the

latest attack,  watching my footing as I  move

forward to read another story online to a child afraid

to play  with his cousin,  he has learned distance

protects,  he  likes that we are

connected by an invisible string and that I

notice he is growing into a big kid,  my teeth,

bring laughter to his eyes across the screen,  I

repress another flood of tears,  I know I cannot

go to him, not now,  giggling  together about my baby nose

stretching the invisible sting of connection

from my heart to his

and back again.

gloria fern june 2020

Together

with gratitude to Jeanne Thompson and her CD 

Peace be with you and the Peace Train

We drove over hill and vale

met in a park, sat on a hill, 

peed behind a bush, no toilet in sight, 

but we saw a daughter  had tea 

and a bite

it arrived in the mail 

a pink bubble wrap envelope, 

Peace be with You  the title of 

recording,  I listen  I hear 

love is at the heart of it

barely awake a lego train 

arrived, money saved,  

ordered on line, moms assistance

allowed bakery's inclusion, 

video shared delight, 

the market trail led us 

around town,  bicycle wheels crushing 

gravel,  skidding through sand,  

bouncing on pavement,  

we travel

 

The phone rings, I hear his message again,

there are those who are

ready to head out the western 

door, death is not bad

notice it all

angels on shoulders

change all around, I head to a march, 

I made my own signs,  justice equals 

peace,  abolish racism the other side,

the song rings in my ears, 

thanks for lyrics that 

summarize so well

a'int no time for couch potatoes 

or regretting the past ... 

time to move forward together at last.

gloria fern June 2020

June 8 2020

Black Lives Matter they chant in front of city hall,
as they march down the sidewalk, the street,
we listen to stories of violence, abuse
hope lives as we chant, as we march,
as I read signs that say, I am not a danger,
and Be the Change and Black Lives Matter

I grieve as I see signs that invite us to say
their names, that list the names, a few of the names,
some of the names, as I over hear a frustrated young
woman explain why Black Lives Matter is
important at this time and why All lives matter
cannot be used,  she used a wedding analogy

My grandson made a sign to take to a rally
in another town,  it said racism is bad,
he does not yet understand systems that
maintain racism, re enforce racism, support
racism,  he looks at me with pride and love
not knowing about his blond haired blue eyed privilege

I see a mother with a sign that says when one mother
 is called, all mothers are called,  and my mother
heart is reminded again that all those names, that
incomplete list of names had a mother, has a mother
who is grieving, who lives with fear in the midst
of grieve because of the colour of her skin

I am a mother,  I am a grandmother
I worry for the grandchildren,
for the children
I know, I love, who do not have
white skin

There was a peaceful  protest today
organized by youth
I am filled with hope and
I am filled despair.

gloria fern June 2020

Expectation

The waiting is over,
must be over,  
no more acceptance
of helplessness

no more waiting for the pandemic
to be over

no more waiting
on this pandemic of racism
on this pandemic of celebrating obscene wealth
on this pandemic of raping our earth
on this pandemic of violence

no more waiting on these pandemics
that are killing the most vulnerable

these pandemics that have stolen so many lives

the waiting is over.

gloria fern June 3, 2020