Monday, October 30, 2017

Heritage

It is ten years ago today, that my mother died.
Yesterday was the Schlegel family gathering.

Family was so important to my mother.

Ten Years Ago at the family gathering my mother
said, " I don't know if I will be here next year."

Two days later she was dead.

She left me with a rich heritage,
a heritage that I saw in many of the relatives
who were gathered yesterday.  

She taught me if I didn't have something nice to say to not say anything
neither of us were able to hold to that at all times.

She taught me humility,  and the recognition that all people are of worth in the
world, a world that was changing rapidly and filled with changes she did not
always understand or support.

I learned from her that mother's cannot always protect their children,  and that it is important to
acknowledge that.

I remember the first time she met the first grandson I came to love,  she said
" Oh, his skin is so black."  I did not understand why this was the first thing she said about this beautiful boy,  until she told me the story of seeing her first black person in Detroit,
on a trip with her brother Roy.  She said she was sixteen.

  I learned something about her and the rapidly changing world she lived in,
 Oh, how she loved Isaac and his mother and their family.

She taught me to love my neighbour as myself,  and she was very good at loving her neighbour.

By the time of her death her family ( of love)  included people who had come
to Canada as refugees from Russia and Germany (people of her heritage) and people from Vietnam, Central America,  and Kenya.  Those are the ones I knew of.  

and oh how my mother knew worry...we did not talk about that yesterday either.

She worried and she prayed...

she is with me these days as racism seems to be growing and I wonder about the safety of children, especially in Canada and the US who do not share my skin colour.

she is with me as I/we welcome people from Syria.

she is with me as my grandchildren grow in size and number

she will be with us as Lora is ordained, and oh how she will celebrate

she is with me in my labyrinth garden, my rose bed,  my vegetable garden

she is with me as I travel, as I learn, as I give,  as I take, as I laugh, as I grieve...

she is with me as I live with all the attributes of being a descendent of
Barbara ( Sommers) and Aaron Schlegel.

gkn Oct. 30/2017

Monday, October 23, 2017

Wrinkles Meaning


We were in the change room at the pool when we met,  we had not seen one another for some time.   "How are you?" she asked.

 " I feel like,"  I said, " I am living a dream."  " I have known struggle"...  "and it is not now."

 I spend some time each week with my children and grandchildren.  I am grateful that one of them lives close enough for me to make weekly treks.  I am grateful that others live close enough for travel and welcome my visits.  My grandchildren and my children inspire me with their wisdom and openness to growth and becoming.

Two weeks ago a precious grandchild asked, "why?"  " why gg do you have those?"
He clarified my confusion by telling me he was asking about lines on my face.
Why indeed do I have lines on my face.
I assured him it was because I have lived a long time.
This was for him a satisfactory answer.

How blessed I am to have lived a long time.
It is over twenty years since I sprinkled the ashes of my beloved Bonnie.
 Last weekend I got together with dear friends whom I am fortunate enough to still see on occasion ( we counted 49 grandchildren among us).
We all of us gathered, all nine of us, have had the privilege of living longer than Bonnie ( and Gord Downie).

I have lived long enough to have lines on face, to have a daughter who will, in less than a year turn fourty,  a daughter with whom I am beginning to dream, about possible mother daughter celebrations.
I continue to live with two of the most supportive people on the planet,  and most of the time I appreciate their support and all of the time, I am grateful for their love and acceptance.

I no longer struggle with the churches acceptance of me, and yet I am pained by the behaviour of an institution, a community that gave me so much and continues to cause so much pain for so many, including my children.

I continue to be blessed by sacred presence in my life.

I am able to see the divine not only the many weird and wonderful people I share the planet with,  but also  on a daily basis in my backyard labyrinth, shade and vegetable gardens, growing trees,  Georgian Bay and the glorious Bruce trail.  

I live in a time where,  I can connect with friends  around the planet.   I can share dinner and stories with my 96 year old aunt, stories about hearing the first airplane with fear, and about her Thanksgiving dinner that included kith and kin with backgrounds unimagined by my grandmother.
 I get to visit places that my aunt revels in hearing about and never dreams of seeing.

".... and you" I asked my locker room companion," how are you?"

" just entering one of those struggle times,"  she shared honestly.

 I  sit at a computer and write words, string together sentences, call them what I will and share them with you.  Sometimes I even hear back from some of you,  always I hope that my words inspire, challenge and invite you to be a little more of the wonderful being you are.

These words are for her and for you,
May peace be yours.

gkn October 2017

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

dimension

movements
aching, hopeful memory
challenged 

See?

grey, dark, light

noticed?
stretching, shrinking
belief, story informing
movement
bright memories 
distorted transported
from loves secure 
knowlege

gkn Oct.2017