Now

Changing life, times

hope born anew,

a page turns again.

Breathe in, breathe

love, for all, 

a page turns..

gkn dec.2016

Dad

 between worlds with you, 

perhaps we have spent our whole life 

here, you and I,  in worlds separated

by a veil too thin almost to notice, 

yet thick enough to separate, perhaps

today again we will see more

revealed in the passage opening, 

you me and I you. 

My grandpa, your dad, joined us

here today, you saw him,  I heard your 

anxious voice respond, put away the cream, 

the separated cream, I should have known 

remember the separator, my fascination, 

your childhood labours demand.

Our voices clear in veils of certainty revealed

I love you, spoken truths of souls familiarity

connected in worlds un noticed, in 

Our running, racing worlds seen here

in quiet space of rest, I rub your feet, you 

agree the back rubbed would be nice too

You and I in found comfort, 

lately found, and timely .

gkn 2017

Dear People of Simcoe County

Writing my memoir continues to take most of my time these days,  how fun to remember all
the people and all the love that has seem me through.   Thanks for the extra support you have been sending, the songs are great inspiration!
Today I also wrote a letter to the enterprise bulletin,  which I shared on facebook and I share it here with you my loving, supportive community!

Dear People of Simcoe County, 

I have come to love this land and its people, over the past eight years that I have lived here.  It was closeness of the water,  the beauty of the land and the options for biking and hiking that brought me to this area. 

This week I am feeling anxious, I have a daughter who lives in the United States,  I have a daughter who has black skin,  I have a daughter who  has a beautiful son with her female partner,  I have friends who…the list is long.  I am worried about a Trump presidency.  I am sad when I hear about grandsons coming home from school sick because they are worried about their and their friends’ safety. 

This week I read that Kellie Leitch, my federal member of parliament, who is running for the leadership of the Conservative Party,  said she hailed Trumps election win as an exciting message that needs to be delivered to Canada as well.

I am asking you, my conservative friends, I am asking you my liberal friends, I am asking you my friends of no particular political leaning or interest to not be complacent. 

Lets us speak and act in ways that promote open heartedness, loving kindness and gratitude for the many privileges that are afforded to us in this great country.  Let us give thanks for the immigrants, including our ancestors who came to give us more opportunity.  Let us acknowledge our role in the suffering of indigenous peoples.   Let us truly live a life that recognizes there is enough for all, and let our actions speak this truth too.   Let us give thanks for the diversity that strengthens our world in so many more ways than food!  

May we breathe, may we notice, may we defeat fear acts of love!

gloria kropf nafziger

What I forgot

what I forgot in writing my memoir

my story is longer at sixty one than it was a twenty one
there are some details that need to be shared in order
to make sense of the details
memory is not certain or specific or perhaps
even accurate
what is believed to be accurate for one
may not be accurate for another
truth telling is scary
changing the story is hard work
details, always, don't matter sometimes
life is dynamic, changing
an imperfect reflection
all people carry with them fear
and sorrow, love
and anger, pain
and joy
even a story of love carries
unpleasantries
there are many ways to tell a story
support comes in different ways,
loneliness is part of connection
disappointment often goes with dreams
sometimes it doesn't
dreams surround us, if we just
take the time to remember
anger expressed has more healing power
then anger repressed
sorrow surrounds joy
new life comes out of death
stories, all stories,
are worth listening too
sixty one is old and young
all at the same time
community is built by taking risks
and letting another see in
that a ticking clock is sometimes very loud,
sometimes quiet.  sometimes fast, and sometimes
slow,  and none of it perhaps has anything to do with time
and everything to do with being
that I love writing, I love blocks of time to write in
I am free when my pen and my fingers are moving

gkn Nov. 2016

Nanowrimo

I have done it, signed up, committed to

writing 50,000 words in November.  I have 

joined a world wide community of writers, encouraging 

one another's creative efforts. I am excited, 

I am hopeful

that this will kick start me over the fear that writing my memoir 

inspires.

  Josephine is happy to wait,  she continues to join me in writing

and it is my memoir I will be writing 50,000 words of, 

in November 

the real reason for this post,

 to ask you my readers for additional support in this

writing marathon,

Please   send me your support in what ever way works best for you,  I will

receive it all with gratitude.

I look forward to sharing this 

Another improbable dream become probable  with each one of you! 

Gkn October it's almost time to start 23, 2016

A Day Later

Stove burners tell the tale 

a pot too full.  

freezers collection replenished,

turkey stock in yogurt containers 

labelled black 

marker on masking tape.  

Memories of a day to be shared 

with months unknown. 

gkn October 2016

October

Soon it will be Thanksgiving.  

 My brothers and their wives, my father, many of my nieces and nephews and my great nieces and nephews will come to Collingwood.  

We will gather in the backyard, we hope the weather allows us to eat in the backyard, often it does.  

 

My mother will not be here. 

 

My mother never saw my home in Collingwood.  

 

My mother died too many years ago. 

 

I miss her and I remember that rushed ride to the hospital, my brother said “ you better hurry or you will not see her alive.”   At least that is what I think he said.

 

I was confused.  I was upset.  I was shocked.  I was disbelieving in my believing.  

 

Two days earlier she had said I might not be here next year,two days before that she said,  something is wrong.   I told her to be positive to trust the doctor who said everything was alright.  I told her not to worry so much, not to be so negative. 

 

I did not call her on Monday, I thought of her on Monday.  I had seen her on Sunday.  I had talked to her on Friday, on Saturday.   

 

I did not think she would die on Tuesday.  I did not think I would hold her hand and say, it is ok, you were a good mother, you did a good job,  I did not think I would say it and mean it, so that she could take her last breath in peace.  

 

She was a good mother. 

I know she heard me.  

She believed me.  

 

She has told me so many times, since that day in October.  

 

She has told me to live my life, just to live it, 

she has told me not to be afraid of what other people say. 

 

She says that she is sorry that she was so afraid when she walked with me, sometimes holding my hand. 

 

She smiles at me, is happy for my happiness, for my ability to be (sometimes I do not worry what other people think or say about me.)  

 

She says it will all turn out and she seems to know it will. 

I miss her hand in mine, her voice on the phone, her smile, her tears, her frown…

 

It is October, soon it will be All Saints day.  

 

We will have an ancestor’s meal (celebrating and remembering her and others) as we have a baby dedication for August Hann her newest great grandson. 

 

We will celebrate his life on the anniversary of her death.  

We will celebrate Auggie’s spiritual earth journey. 

 

He will feel her presence with him, cheering him on, reminding him to be   August. 

 

I miss her! 

 

 

 gkn October 2016

 

Saturday Night

Drizzling rain surrounded me today, 

was a companion at market, 

in our search 

for an early morning bagel shop

 ( not yet 2 year old Leo's request)

followed us home,

in the car  it became

fog, so dense 

we hid behind the big white 

truck, with a big load,  

straining to see. 

gkn October 1, 2016

Happy Birthday to Zeb

Kaitlyn and Luke were at our house 

when the news arrived,  a baby, 

I napped between the texts,  excitment 

fighting concussion. 

Now,  I ride the bus, 

delighted to be able to celebrate, 

to join in,   a party with four 

proud fingers in the air. 

This mornings picture shows 

him dressed as a firefighter,  the other 

day it was a pink flamingo and 

tomorrow...I wait eagerly. 

We marched together at pride,

 come, please, his momma said, 

three generations together,  he said, 

I want the t- shirt with my family on it. 

His smile embraces me,  twinkling eyes 

shining with possibility,  as he shares 

the stories of his workers,  the coffee 

shop,  a home. 

Living with the knowledge of life's fragility, 

always present,  when reminded of his birth, 

gratitude surrounds me,  to love and be loved, 

an open gift from Zebbie to Gg 

returned. 

gkn Sept. 22 2016

Today

I picked a pear, 

was kissed,  drove to the airport, 

ate too much at an Indian buffet, 

smiled in the rain, 

laughter, celebrated a return 

home from hospital, 

hugged goodbye, hello, 

chatted in person, liked a travel 

dream being fulfilled, 

imagined ...

gkn September 2016

38

I remember her birth 

like it was yesterday, 

yesterday, 

I lost my glasses, 

the anticipation, the friend who came 

for the birth, waited with me three weeks, 

held her briefly before departing, 

 

yesterday, 

I left the laundry out in the rain, 

the wide eyed wonder and delight  of her dad and I, 

as we dreamed,  planned and claimed knowledge 

of a parenting journey, 

yesterday, 

I went to the wrong restaurant to meet you, 

her first steps,  the gentle kiss she placed 

on the nose of the spring horse at her 

second Christmas, 

yesterday, 

my bicycle helmet rode in the basket as I peddled to the store

the pushing tears as she waited for the school bus, 

in the pink strawberry shortcake outfit she chose 

with pride, 

yesterday

I did not return that important phone call, 

her bicycle wheels racing down the road when 

she was told her dad and I were separating,  complete with 

her cry of but you promised, 

yesterday, 

I went to the store three times, 

the laughter and tears of sisters,  and friends,

 teenagers emptying the fridge, eating my baking, 

filling the house, 

yesterday, today, 

I celebrate the gift of mothering.

gkn September 2016

For Holly

Porches, with roofs are a sanctuary

for this strange world of third stage living

galaxies force themselves upon us, 

springing like slinkies 

from behind previously familiar dolls and

blocks, infants weaned and crooned 

over, with dreams filled by 70's, 80's and 90's 

Today's  Parent wisdom,  are determined, 

intelligent familiar strangers.

Partners, children, family, friends, loves

not physically present on this porch, 

surround our sorting, seeking, growing 

conversation,  moving in and out,

 like aches, 

we thought would never greet us,  

We sit grateful for

the 30 plus years of friendship that allows 

us into each other's hearts with 

deep love for all those familiar strangers who

fill our galaxies, tripping us up, 

and sending us delight beyond any 

 wisdom, past or present.

matriarchs 

when did they get

so young?

This third stage living not meant for all, 

we both know loss, those too soon dead, while yet

we live and love and grow, still seeking, oft weeping, 

we carry on, with gratitude

galactical love a coverlet 

we hold for one another.

gkn August 2016

Bouquets from the Labyrinth

Surrounded by your presence, 

and yours and yours, 

flower gifts 

memory, a smile, 

a twinkling stern eye,

I must, I can, I will 

determination flooded by 

You. 

Movement continues. 

gkn August 2016

What if?

with thanks to Mary Oliver (How Everything Adores Being Alive)

What 

if you were

human

and your soul

and a significant amount of courage

aroused you to come 

into 

your world

of so many dreams

becoming

and 

what if

you 

clamoured aboard 

falling into

the grinning face 

of possibility

and 

allowed yourself 

to be 

embraced

by its

succulent unfamiliarity

a happy prisoner?

gkn August 2016

Contentment

Steaming green tea warms, 

the iceberg in the harbour

split in two it's translucence 

visible from my writing chair, 

ducks and ducklings gather on my left, 

whales spouts 

demand attention, while the hiking trail of yesterday 

reminds me of its many delights.  

Smells of breakfast 

prepared for me, remind me to 

stay close to this home 

now, cool ocean breezes blow through my hair.

gkn July 2016

Newfoundland Soul Song

Clouds drop, vista's fade into

splattered windshields travelling

to puffins, whales, icebergs

while large brown rock of

moose nests between trunk 

stubbled rock face

yellow blue red orange neat 

white picket fences 

beauty contrasts

white caps crash onto fishing boats, 

a familiar unfamiliarity surrounds 

me.  Clouds lift with blue skies 

offerings. 

gkn July 2016

Since Sunday

This morning I said goodbye, and watched her

 drive out of the driveway.

It is Wednesday. 

She has been here since Monday, walking, reading, 

eating, laughing, crying with me,  we were together 

since Sunday, 

when  her uncle's broken back, hospital admission,

brought me unexpectedly 

to her town, to a bed in her house. 

Since Sunday 

the death toll has risen 

in Bagdad, in the Ukraine, in South Sudan in...

I have walked and talked.  I have 

swum in crystal clear waters, walked through marshlands, and forest.

I have listened to bagpipes, to drums while 

watching swans on the water,  and bicycles on trails.

Since Sunday 

I have talked on telephone, read email, and text, and 

learned that the back brace will work, 

that my father will be able to walk.  

I have looked 

forward to my trip to Newfoundland, 

shared stories, and hopes, and dreams.  

Since Sunday 

I have discussed, and debated,

 internally and externally activisms best actions.

 I have mediated, waliked labyrinths for peace, 

for change, for love, for compassion. 

Since Sunday 

I have picked currants, baked scones, 

drank tea. Water has washed over my bodysoul, 

since Sunday.

gkn July 6, 2016

June 29, 2016

I woke up this morning

expecting  to be flooded with 

news from Istanbul

stories of grief and loss of 

of mothers, of lovers, of babies, 

dead, dying, aching.

What are the colours of the Turkish flag? 

What colour is blood?

gkn June 2016

? ? ?

Summer Solstice, a favourite time, hope dreaming, 

a rare strawberry moon delight to join, 

some say a storm will follow, 

baby boy, heart connected, still born,

his brother says it means ( he wrote it in the book to show 

at school to save the words too hard to speak) he died

before he was born,  but he was still born,  and 

he was born still, 

big changes the astrologers said were coming,  

a shooting took 

lives awakened my fear, my rage, 

I see a casket the size of my foot lowered into the earth,  

tears flood,  so many bodies, 

rock my grandson,  and weep 

for the grandmothers, the 

mothers,  who will never rock wiggling bodies.

gkn June 2016

 

Exquisite

Mourning doves coo, 

smiles, on faces, 

four months

to

thirteen years 

and two months, 

melt me,

rivulets of tears 

stream

down wrinkling cheeks 

sunflowers bloom.

gkn June 2016

On reading a response to the tragic hate crime in Orlando Florida

Today I mourn. 

Some days I hope.

Some days I believe my 

grandchildren will know that 

who they call family,  who they love,

how they define themselves, is a gift. 

Is a gift.

Love of self, of others

is a gift.  Enhances the whole,

makes the world a better place. 

Some days I even hope that the cultural and spiritual 

home of my childhood recognizes and celebrates that 

too. 

Today, I mourn. 

gkn June 14, 2016

In the Leaving

with thanks to Jan Richardson 

In the leaving, in the letting go

let there be this, at last, 

to hold onto:

the remembering of infant joy, 

the persisting of childhood dreams, 

the enduring of youthful ambition, 

the offering of gratitude

     for birdsong, swimming pools shared, a nights sleep, 

     fresh baked scones,  toilets to clean, meals to make, dogwood's bloom, 

questions, enthusiastic chatter, a teen crawling into opened arms, baby cries, 

     interrupting writing.

      

the blessing of peace.

gkn June 3, 2016

365 Days and an invitation

A year has passed 

since 

I began this wildly improbable become probable journey, 

since

I walked with my dear friend, my encourager, my cheerleader to her death, 

since

I wrote the letter seeking support, 

since 

I realized how hard it was to just be ( for the first time). 

So I have decided to do another reading.  I will read selection from my year of being with writing, poetry, short story, novel snippets.   I invite you,  if you want to to bring stories in whatever form to share as well.   

I will have a basket out to receive your offerings of support to me.  Those gifts you have offered over this year have been amazing in keeping me keeping on!  And the wisdom that has been given to me as 

I continue to learn to receive has also been amazing. 

All are welcome to this reading, pass on the word to others who may wish to attend.  

Email or call me to confirm your attendance.  Do not reply to the blog email if you get it that way, as you will note it goes to a no reply blogspot address ( a reader who tried to reply to posts this way sorted that out.)  

The reading will be on Tuesday, June 21 at 6:30 at our home. 

With gratitude and eager anticipation to share this time with some of you! 

gloria

gkn 2016

A Message

It was a simple message, a sentence, 

uncomplicated in words, 

filled with meaning.  Not surprising, perhaps, 

from a preacher

In the tradition of Jesus.

Love to you and all those you love,  the message said. 

There were no questions.

No questions. 

And so today,  I share with you a message received in our home 

this weekend. 

Love, (and I say also blessings) to you and ALL those you love. 

With deep gratitude and love back at'ya  Julie! 

gkn

May 2016

Hi Hoo

Sun, moon cycles, 

heart seasons, 

live on. 

Longing, filled vacuum, 

holding, 

bulbs burst.

Since you took your last breath, 

a year.

Spring blooms.

gkn may 2016

Grandsons..partially edited

Their mother died,  my daughter alive 

fell in love.  They in a life that included loss, 

knew love.  I benefit playing games, 

reading stories.  Do you want to walk with

me, bike, hey Gg ( grandma gloria) look, 

see me,  kiss my baby brother, where

is he first question always, 

they know love and loss are part of the whole.

Mommy Heidi dead.

 Mama Lora, Grandma Jan, Grandmother 

Gloria, brought together by loss and love, 

taught  the details, continuing to be taught the details by 

boys, whose lessons began early, 

too early, I think.      yet       the benefits to 

me    to the world   

 Immense 

Could ever I have imagined so great a life of

blessings,  unanticipated,   Grief and loss too

much to carry 

on,  I sometimes thought

so great can loss be. 

"A small child shall lead them" 

And so I go on...

gkn April 2016

Illusions?

It struck me as yesterday I walked amid wild flowers and elk,  as I admired hill tops and ocean shores,  that my life could not be better.  Even if I had made different choices.  It would not be better, it would be different. 

 It struck me that my life was good,  not because I had done anything right,  or wrong.  I have been one of the lucky ones,  who had privilege and opportunity, to make choices, to live dreams.  

My judgements, my if only (ies), my beliefs, indeed my  choices would not have the power to make my life better...they would, potentially make it different.  My notions of better are an illusion.  An illusion I use to dismiss the delights and challenges of the life I am living.  An illusion I use to  harm myself and sometimes others. 

Today as I climbed the dipsea trail down, down, down the stairs I thought about the climb up, with excitment at counting all those stairs and dread at the sore muscles.   Then Alex said she would pick me up.  We ate gelato that tasted like fresh mint.  We hiked to the ocean and were washed by wind and ocean spray. 

I am blessed! 

gkn April 14, 2015 

Thanks to the comments love to get your thoughts and feedback,  here or via email 😊

Bonnie

SYesterday you lived, 

danced in the flowers, travelled 

with gusto, to see.

laughter filled your outrage, 

tears fell.  

Your soul departed, your body 

was burned, we danced, spread your ashes, 

watched them blow, watched you dance 

with the birds, in the waves, 

In the flowers, 

tears fell.

Today, you live, 

you dance, 

we travel, with gusto 

we see, laughter 

fills outrage, 

tears fall. 

Your presence, your absence 

one.

gkn April 12,2016

Easter lesson

Yesterday we celebrated again,  

with a toddler who did not notice 

that the Easter bunny was late or early, 

he did not 

care that snow was falling again, 

he saw the colourful eggs, 

he forgot his cold, his low grade fever aches, 

his runny nose,  in the eggs he found

excitment, writing delight across his face,  

carefully placing easter basket stickers 

on waiting adults, new life was born.

gkn april 2016

Eostar

So last night spring equinox was with me as I meditated,  was with me, as I sat with the call for balance, for openness to light and growth, was with me as I breathed in loving kindness,  acceptance, peace.  

Called me to notice a message, a sprouting seed,  value yourself, the new sprout said,  just as you are.   It is time now to grow again. 

 Acceptance is good, and now it's time --  let go, let balance flow, accept yourself, and value who you are.  

All the parts,  those that throw you off balance, demand you realign,  those that argue with you about food, and excercise and loving kindness too, you know the parts this sprouting seed pushed forth. 

Those parts of you that some despised,  by you, dare own.

Value those parts.  

The secret parts, you hope that no one sees,  you see them though, you know them well, the seedlings taller,  firmer have almost broken ground. 

gkn March 2016

Spring

turn out the light,

the winter moon calls through the window,

 invites me to

shed all 

make room for the growth, the new life that is coming, 

make room it calls through tree branch brilliance, 

we howl, Adam and I at the moon.

gkn March 21, 2016 

Journey

Grey white piles,  puddling, 

leaves sprouting, 

green advances, spring.

Animated offerings, 

received.

Affirm movement.

Grey blue sky, barren, 

waiting, seek 

renewal, awareness. 

Surrounded on bus,

ear plugged 

beauty,     Present. 

gkn March 14, 2016

Reminder

Life, Death

Permanence, impermanence

beliefs, expectations, 

live today.

Now.

Love deeply,strongly.

Live boldly, passionately, vibrantly.

Notice blessings, daily.

Life, death

wait for no one. 

gkn march 4 2016

Virtual learning day

I woke to a winter wonderland this morning, 

schools, factories closed,  a virtual learning day for

grandsons,  technology connected,

assignments for each class. 

Except kindergarten. 

I meanandered along to a play

date,  to facilitate older siblings virtual learning, while I 

gained knowledge of tracking in the snow, possible 

creatures cliff climbing. 

Returning 

in time to 

empathize with virtual learners confusion over

expectations,  unfamiliar assignments, 

attend gym class,  shovelling, 

push body soul, wait for a timer to ring, 

notice beauty, around

between us, see a

baby stretch, cry, present 

only in this now moment, 

momma, daddy listen, 

step behind 

respond. 

gkn Feb.2016