On Being ( A mother of a baby who turns 34)

Today I feel gratitude.

 I feel gratitude that I get to celebrate my daughter’s 34^th birthday.    Today I am thinking a lot about two mother friends, who do not get to celebrate  with their wonderful daughter’s, when they turn 34^.  

 Today I feel sorrow. 

I feel, perhaps, some of the sorrow of mothers around the world, mothers whom I do not know and those whom I do, who do not get to celebrate  with their daughers because of war, brain tumors,  gun violence, systemic racism,  medical error.

Today I feel surprised. 

I feel surprised at the passage of time which changes everything or nothing.  I feel surprised that I can remember so clearly the arrival of that beautiful baby as I hold her beautiful baby in my arms.

Today I feel  anger. 

I feel anger at a system which does not value all babys born to all mothers.   I feel anger that it is so difficult to change systems.  I feel angry that I do not even know how to begin to write about this!

Today I feel hopeful.

I feel hopeful as I listen to young women speak,  as I see my daughters’ parent, as I listen to the children.   I feel hopeful as I walk down the street and see iris’s pushing their greenery through the earth. 

Today I feel  fragile.

I feel fragile as confusion fills me when I listen to the news.  I feel fragile  as I send energy for the safety for all my grandchildren, of all children ( especially those who do not share my white skin or country of birth).

Today I feel excited.

I feel excited as I continue to listen to and learn from wise women.    I am excited that Mandy Carter is being recognized and celebrated this week, and that I got to learn from her!  

Today I feel surrounded.

I feel surrounded by change makers even in the midst of fragility, excitement,  anger, hope,  surprise, gratitude  and sorrow.

 I know I am surrounded when a ten year old sends me message  to catch me up on her basketball game.    I am surrounded when a five year old says I love you.   I am surrounded when a toddler infant lays their head on my shoulder. 

I am surrounded when I sign a petition, write a letter, hear your words of support and encouragement.  I am surrounded when you share stories of hope , when I experience care and random acts of kindness.

I am surrounded as I celebrate the life of my daughter born on this day so many days ago.  

The more things change the more they stay the same and change.

I am alive.

gkn Feb. 23 2018 

A Confession

 I love the Olympics.  There I said it.

I love the Olympics

 I love the open ceremony with all its pomp and ceremony.  I love the extravagance of the fireworks, the dancing, the uniforms, the music, the selfies and the videos being made as the athletes march in.

I love the celebration.

I am filled with pride and patriotism as I wait and watch the Canadians march in.   I was so happy to see our figure skating stars (Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir), one man and one woman, carry the Canadian flag.

I love the red and white.

I love that Canada ended up in first place in the team figure skating competition after the first two skates.  I felt badly for Patrick Chan when he fell, and was relieved that other skaters fell too.

I love the victories.

I look forward to the speed skating, the bobsledding, the women's hockey, the pike, the half pike, the snowboarding, the slalom, the moguls, the curling, the luge ( really!)

I love the determination.

I love listening to the interviews of the victors and those whose dreams did not come true,  but they made it to the Olympics,I think, as my heart breaks with them and my body aches thinking of all they have done to get there.

I love the stories.

I do not think about the cost the doping, the poverty, the elitism, the refugees, the wars...at least not much...

I love the Olympics...it is day in Pyeongchang...gotta go!

gkn Feb. 2018

Pajama Day

dedicated to all the boys and girls ...who teach me the wonder of pajama days. 

They did not want to go swimming,
or sledding or skating,
not today they said.



We build airports
             and construction sites
 fly planes                     and drive big machinery.

We tromp through forests,
                             we run away from bees,
we eat honey.


We operate on each other,
                                  on bears,
               on dolls
  who ate wood.


We wiggle       and      giggle       and
       wrestle                and                           tickle
and                                   tell
                       knock             knock
                                 jokes.



Today,

I am staying home,
in MY pajamas.

Surrounded.

gkn January 2018

Groundhog Day

 a question,

from English as a second or third language

learner

my host mother said "an animal,
sees it's shadow six more weeks of winter."
"so cool" he says

 indeed

to spend the time with keen, enthusiastic
curiosity of youth child,
 open hearted wonder
new life coming forth,

notice

the creaking, breaking ice,
I walked beside today
with dog and infant
fertility surrounds freezing
breath

change

Brigid
a groundhog
 story lanterns
creative hope dawns
 told, retold through
time, space.

judged

so cool, great teaching,
heresy or truth

                         repeated.

gkn Feb. 2018